Recently a friend of mine, Jackie, was going through an anxious time in her life. She was suddenly traveling to another country and was told that it required some processing and documents that she needed to apply for and request.
Now Jackie is usually a pretty calm and relaxed person. However, when it comes to important travels and having to count on others to be able to reach her goal and deadlines, she gets understandably anxious.
One night she contacted me and said she was really struggling with her worrisome and fearful thoughts. Some of the thoughts were, “What if I don’t get my visa and passport back in time?” and “What if my lay-over gets delayed, causing me to miss a connecting flight?” I had mentioned that these were valid concerns, but that there were perhaps ways to defuse them so they would quiet down just a bit. I then shared with her a simple little tool that can help anyone free themselves from the clutches of the worry and fear scoundrels. That simple tool is just this, “Accept the fact that you are not accepting the situation or moment”. Now if this sounds ironic, good, because it is.
Now Jackie is usually a pretty calm and relaxed person. However, when it comes to important travels and having to count on others to be able to reach her goal and deadlines, she gets understandably anxious.
One night she contacted me and said she was really struggling with her worrisome and fearful thoughts. Some of the thoughts were, “What if I don’t get my visa and passport back in time?” and “What if my lay-over gets delayed, causing me to miss a connecting flight?” I had mentioned that these were valid concerns, but that there were perhaps ways to defuse them so they would quiet down just a bit. I then shared with her a simple little tool that can help anyone free themselves from the clutches of the worry and fear scoundrels. That simple tool is just this, “Accept the fact that you are not accepting the situation or moment”. Now if this sounds ironic, good, because it is.
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However, sometimes we may run into situations where accepting what is happening just does not help us to fend off the plethora of worrisome thoughts. So then, the next step in defusing the situation is accepting that you are not accepting the situation. In other words, accepting that you are not accepting your worrisome thoughts. Because if you keep thinking that you just want them to go away, and that you should not have them, then to a certain extent you are denying a genuine feeling that a part of you is experiencing. So by accepting the fact that you don’t accept the worrisome or fearful thoughts, you then open up a tiny little space that a part of you says, “OK”. A space that I refer to as “Wiggle Room”. From that space, or wiggle room, you can focus on just being in that moment and diffuse the negative thoughts that are focusing on future fear.
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The next time you struggle with a very worrisome or fearful thought, try just accepting what you aren’t accepting, and a slight sense of freedom may follow.
May you find a little "Wiggle Room" in each worrisome situation you encounter.
* Please note, these are highlights from an entire article in Higher-Self Living Paychecks. For more information, please visit our website at www.higherselflifecoaching.com.
2 comments:
Hi Shannon:The concept of "accepting the fact that you're not accepting the fact" (or situation) is quite brilliant I think. We're told often (& may tell our clients) things like "accept what you can't change", "it is what it is", etc. This can be quite frustrating to hear because we're unable to do that. That's why we're feeling upset, angry, whatever about the situation. In fact, now that I think about it, saying "just accept it" is almost as bad as when someone tells me "calm down". That one feels so unhelpful, & I feel the opposite of "gotten" (i.e. understood.
Keep up the great blogs. Thank you.
Ellen Besso
www.ellenbesso.com/midlifemaze
Life Coach, Group Facilitator & Writer
Thanks so much Ellen. I am so glad you enjoyed this blog. I do feel the same in that it can be frustrating to just "accept what is", but to "accept that you don't accept" is much less frustrating.
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