The Power of Negative and Positive Thoughts….Where Does Your Power Lie? *

I was recently skimming over the CNN news highlights and some of them read, “Bad hurricanes forecast, but few ready”, “Woman in iron lung dies after power failure”,
and “Do You Hate Your Commute Too?”

Now, as you read each of those statements, how do you feel? If you had to label each as a positive or negative news story, which would each be? As I read them, I realized that each of them was negative in nature. My initial responses to each of the statements were, “Yikes”, “Very sad”, and “Heck yah I hate it”. Many of you may be able to relate to those responses, and if you do, I want to point something out to you. Something that had occurred to me as I realized my own reaction to them. My thoughts about those stories left me feeling worried, sad, and frustrated. I then noticed how my thoughts continued to think of other negative thoughts about my own life and experiences. For example, I thought about a storm I had seen years ago that left me feeling as if I were in a re-make of The Wizard of Oz, the tornado scene. Then I thought about the day I had a very bad commute into work, as if I had been transported onto the streets of downtown New York. This went on for several minutes, until I realized how I was giving more power to my negative thoughts and disregarding any positive thoughts.

Negative thoughts can be useful and have a purpose in the sense that they indicate how you are feeling at any given moment. Once someone realizes that, “hey, I have been feeling frustrated or stressed”, then they can use that as a signal to
acknowledge what they are feeling and then ideally let it go…..*

…..*

Finally, a very effective question to ask yourself the next time you experience a negative thought is, “Is it the negative thought that is really upsetting me, or is it the power I am giving the negative thought that is upsetting me?” Once you figure out the answer, you will begin to free yourself from your negative thoughts, and then you can choose to focus on more positive thoughts.

* - Please note, these are highlights from an entire article in Higher-Self Living Paychecks. For more information, please visit our website at www.higherselflifecoaching.com.

”Actions speak louder then words”…but being true to one’s self is to have our actions match our words. *

I can’t tell you how many times I heard this phrase, and believed it to be true. It seemed to make sense. I mean, in most cases, it is easier to say things then to actually do them. Or when we go to do them, we realize they are not as easy to do as we thought, so we don’t do them.

In recent years, I have come to learn that I feel most true to myself when my actions actually match my words. Not that they necessarily have to speak louder then them. In the past, I will admit that there were times when I would say something to someone, or commit to something, when I knew there was a very good chance I would not be able to actually do so. In those cases, my actions didn’t match my words and that caused some internal conflict….*

Another instance where conflict is created is when someone says things that can’t possibly be true. For example, a friend of mine was in a long distance relationship and one thing that her partner said to her was that he wanted to physically be with her every day. Yet his actions could not possibly match that as he was thousands of miles away. While the thought seemed nice, eventually it became disheartening for my friend to repeatedly hear one thing, but see and feel another….*

I would like for each of you to take time this week and try to be aware of your actions versus your words. Be aware if you are saying one thing, but your actions are doing another. If so, is there any pattern or trend you notice? Then, if you do identify instances where your actions do not meet your words, try to get them to match up. In some cases, you will find that changing your actions to meet your words is the answer. In other cases, you will find that changing your words to match your actions is what is needed to bring peace and balance back into your life.

A very important point to also keep in mind when changing your words to meet your actions is the use of the word (i.e. thought), “I can’t”. In rare and unusually circumstances, it may be true when a person cannot do something. But in most cases, a truer statement is that you “choose not to” do something.

* - Please note, these are highlights from an entire article in Higher-Self Living Paychecks. For more information, please visit our website at www.higherselflifecoaching.com.

Loving Someone, Being In-Love, and Love…Just as is. *

Love….is perhaps one of the most passionate and nurturing emotions possessed by humans and other creatures alike. An emotion most yearn for, and many receive.

Over the years, I have heard many people mention such phrases as “I love him”, or “I am in-love with her.” Several people I know believe that loving someone and being in-love with someone are two different types of love. I thought this was an intriguing belief so I decided to give it much thought. I also decided to ask a handful of people the difference, for them, between loving someone and being in-love with someone….*

The response I received, unanimously, was that loving someone meant in a deeply caring way for a relative, or very close and dear friend. Being in-love with someone was tied to romantic feelings for someone such as a partner, or spouse. I also thought more about it and realized that loving someone comes with conditions. We can love someone but still get irritated with some of their unusual habits. However, when we are in-love with someone, we tend to be a bit more unconditional and put on blinders to some less desirable habits they may possess. We also may find simple things about them very wonderful and intriguing. As if magnifying some of their attributes.

Personally, I believe that love just can be as simple as caring for any other. In some ways, I believe we are love. Underneath all the layers of other emotions and feelings, lies love….*

What I would like each of you to do is experience love, just as it is. Regardless of the types of love you have defined for yourself in relation to others. Take a moment and just relax and sit with the word “love”. Feel what love means to you within yourself. Most importantly, notice the love you have for yourself.

Please note, these are highlights from an entire article in Higher-Self Living Paychecks. For more information, please visit our website at www.higherselflifecoaching.com.

Sail Into Summer by Steering Clear of the Three W’s….That Can Cause Mental Storms*

Where does the time go? Summer time 2009 is here and many are planting colorful flowers, buying suntan lotion, revving up the barbeques and dodging bumble bees.

Summer time can also mean hot steamy temperatures and occasional thunderstorms. However, dear mother nature isn’t the only one that produces storms. Sometimes, we humans have what I refer to as “mental storms”. By mental storms, I mean negative and stressful thought patterns that can take over our minds and continue to grow in strength as they move about in our heads. Many of these mental storm systems are brought on by, what I call, the three W’s…..worry, waiting, and wondering.

Worry can be an effective incoming “front”, causing mental storms. Many people worry about something from the past, or anticipate something in the future. ….*
Waiting is also damaging and keeps your life “on hold”. Many people seem to be waiting their whole lives in anticipation of future events. ….*
The last “W” is wonder. Now some of you may being thinking “I thought wonder was a good emotion to have”, and it can be. For instance, if you are wondering about something positive, then that can be a fine type of wonder. However, many people wonder about negative things. For example, wondering about what would happen if you lost your job, or a loved one fell ill. ….*

Often these three W’s can work together and feed off each other, causing a sort of mental typhoon in your head. However, there are steps you can take (e.g. Using Your Doppler Radar and Clear Skies Collage) to avoid stirring up these mental storms and just sail through this summer like a fresh breeze. ….*

So the next time you find yourself worrying, waiting, or wondering…try to relax those thoughts so that they don’t turn into thunderous mental storms.

Please note, these are highlights from an entire article in Higher-Self Living Paychecks. For more information, please visit our website at www.higherselflifecoaching.com.

Celebrating Our Independence While Acknowledging Our Connections. *

This weekend found millions celebrating Independence Day (AKA: the 4th of July) with barbecues, friends and family gatherings, and boisterous fireworks. The 4th of July marks a day in U.S. history in which independence was declared from Great Britain.

While this is truly a victorious day in our history, I do want to take the time to also acknowledge the connection that exists within our countries and our world. Perhaps years ago, many found that being separate and independent was the most important state to be in. Having a sense of independence is a wonderful gift, however, and now more then ever in these tough economic times, a sense of connection and oneness is crucial.

I found that this year was the first year in which I felt more of a connection with other countries, versus celebrating our independence from another country…*

When was the last time you felt a sense of connection, or oneness, with another person or another thing? A sense that leaves you feeling bliss, euphoric, passionate, and whole. A connection that cannot be described in the thousands of words found in the Webster

Dictionary…*

If you have not felt this sense in a very long while, if at all, please take the time this week to experience such a connection. One way to do this is to either shake hands or hug someone you know and care for. When doing so, clear your mind of thoughts that may intrude that moment you are sharing with this other person. Just appreciate that brief moment, realizing that there is a special sense of connection being shared.

* Please note, these are highlights from an entire article in Higher-Self Living Paychecks. For more information, please visit our website at www.higherselflifecoaching.com.

Experiencing our Inner-Father during Father’s Day Weekend. *

For many people, this weekend is one in which we celebrate fatherhood. A day that has been acknowledged in the U.S. since 1909. Believe it or not, the national celebration of Father’s Day almost remained a myth. When it was introduced, many chuckled at it and thought it to be more of a satire and parody. However, in the 1960’s, it became a national holiday, just like Mother’s Day (Source: http://www.history.com/content/fathersday).

As many of you may recall, a prior newsletter discussed having an Inner-Mother. Well as you can imagine, we also possess an Inner-Father. An inner guide that helps us to build up our self-esteem and sense of security and safety.

Some people may have very loving and supportive fathers. Others may have lost their fathers, while many may never known their fathers. Regardless of your situation, we all have an Inner-Father. There are many ways that an inner-father can be accessed…*

One way is to sit down and take a piece of paper and pen (or pencil). Make two columns and write “Self” on the top of one column, and “Inner-Father” on the other. Then in the “Self” column, write some traits that you have that you feel you would like to change. Try to list four to five of them. Then go to the “Inner-Father” column and feel within a sense of an Inner-Father. Answers may come into your consciousness.

Another way to access your Inner-Father is to simply close your eyes and relax your mind and body. Give yourself at least five minutes to do this. Then imagine reaching out and communicating with your Inner-Father. For example, you may say to yourself, “Inner-Father, please help heal me” or “Guide me through this time”…*

Finding a little time to explore and experience your Inner-Father can help you to become more self-confident and feel a sense of wholeness.

* Please note, these are highlights from an entire article in Higher-Self Living Paychecks. For more information, please visit our website at www.higherselflifecoaching.com.

Being Authentic and Not Everyone Else’s Puppet. *

Recently, I have had a couple people mention something they are struggling with, and so I thought I would share their struggle, and my coaching tip, with all of you.

This struggle that two acquaintances shared with me had to do with being authentic toward themselves and others. They simple said that they often say “yes” to other people, when they really want to say “no”. But they fear that saying “no” will lead to hurt feelings and even long-term rejection. I bet most of you can relate to their struggle. How many times have you thought, “oh man, I really don’t want to go but I said yes”? Too many times? Well, I have a couple points to bring to your attention that may help you to try to stay true to your deep desire, and live a more peaceful life.

The first point has to do with self-regret. When you say “yes” to something that you really want to say “no” too, then you put yourself in a position where you may have much self-regret. Self-regret is more difficult to overcome emotionally then regret for another person. If that someone who you are saying “no” to is a true friend, or close relative, then they will accept your answer….*

The second point I want to make you aware of is about the power you are giving up. If you say “yes” to someone and “no” to yourself, then you are giving someone else total power over your decisions and outcome. This leaves you in a position where you could lose out two-fold. For one, if you end up not having a good time, then a part of you may be upset with the person who asked you to participate. Second, another part of you may be upset at yourself for having caved in and agreed to something you originally didn’t want to do. An internal “I told you so” scenario, which is very uncomfortable and down-right frustrating. However, if you do what is true to you (e.g. say “no” when you want to), then you can only lose one-fold (wait…is that even a word?...oh well you know what I mean)….*

So, the next time you are faced with a question or decision that has you saying “yes”, when you really want to say “no”, please recall these two points and consider being true to you. Your life will become more fulfilling and peaceful.

* Please note, these are highlights from an entire article in Higher-Self Living Paychecks. For more information, please visit our website at www.higherselflifecoaching.com.