I had a situation happen to me yesterday that left me with thoughts and feelings of frustration and even, oh my gosh, slight despair. Now, you don’t have to rush over to your window to see if the sky is falling….because yes, even life coaches have their moments. So, I tried to use my successful handy dandy self-coaching skills, as well as my consciousness skills (i.e. being present in the moment). However, to my dismay, nothing seemed to be shaking the dreadful feeling I was experiencing. I soon realized that I had entered that ghastly land I refer to as, “Sufferland”. A place where our egos enjoy the merry-go-rounds (i.e. repetitive negative thoughts), and where the pain-body likes to ride the roller-coaster’s (i.e. up’s, down’s, twists, and turns). Now, let me explain a little about what I refer to as “ego” and “pain-body”. I was first introduced to these terms by Eckhart Tolle, a renowned spiritual teacher. Eckhart defines the ego as our “illusionary sense of identity”, which includes our mental thoughts. The pain-body is defined by Eckart as an “accumulation of old emotional pain”.
What I learned from this experience is that our ego’s and pain-bodies are sometimes going to put up a tough fight and try to control us and stick around for a while. They love visiting “Sufferland” and most of the time they don’t ever want to leave there. Just like a three year old who doesn’t want to leave a fun filled day at dear grandma’s house.
Now, as a coach, I have been able to fend off many egoic thoughts and pain-body episodes with my self-coaching skills and “present moment” techniques. However, this was the first time in a long time that I was not able to leave “Sufferland” so easily. My ego and pain-body wanted to “stay and play for a while”, so to speak.
So, what I tried to do was go the “Acceptance” route. I thought, “OK, I realize that at this moment, a part of me (i.e. my ego/pain-body) wants to play in ‘Sufferland” and feel these feelings. So I accepted those feelings and further thought, “This too shall pass”. So there I was, sticking it out like a trooper. But what I didn’t know was that my ego and pain-body had a plot to try to take up permanent residence in “Sufferland”. Because what happened next was an interesting experience.
I noticed that while I accepted my temporary time in “Sufferland”, my ego brought out the big guns and supplied me with more negative thoughts. Then my ego tried to analyze each thought and test its validity. Some of them felt just as true as the original circumstance and resulting thought. So, I began to wonder if some of them were truer then the original thought that landed me here. Well, this fueled the “ride” and I realized that while in that state of mind, I could not determine which statement was truer. I started to feel overwhelmed and even a little despair. My body was all tense and I felt the most tension in my neck and shoulders. Once I noticed what was happening, and that my body was physically being affected, I knew I had to do something else. However, I also knew that when my ego and pain-body are in “control mode”, they are not open to other choices or peaceful changes. So my next thought was to work with them, and not against them. I thought I would write down all these thoughts my ego was presenting to me, however I wanted to analyze them at a later time. Just then, I felt a sense of “maybe”, and proceeded to grab a pad of paper and a pen. I wrote down each negative thought that had come to me and put a “re-visit date”. My ego was slightly hesitant, but I soon felt a sense of “Ok, that is fine”. Next I felt a slight sense of ease. I knew I had weakened my ego’s hold, and as a result also my pain-body’s hold (since the pain-body needs the ego to survive). Then, I just focused on my breath. Now, I still felt slightly “down and out”, but it was not nearly as strong as it was earlier that evening. I am happy to report that, in my case, the next morning I felt joyful and peaceful once again.
In light of this experience, I want to let you all know that when you feel you are smack dab in the middle of “Sufferland”, first try to accept what is happening to you at that moment and remember that, “This too shall pass”. Sometimes that may be enough to shorten your stay and get you through the “EXIT” doors much faster. However, if (like me) you find that your ego or pain-body want to take up residence in “Sufferland”, then try my little technique of writing the thoughts down and deciding to analyze them at a later time (preferably when you are feeling better).
Lastly, I also wanted to share with you a song I listened too this morning that really struck me as the perfect song for moments like this. Moments when our egos (and/or pain-body’s) are trying to visit “Sufferland”. The song is called “Lies” and it is by Glen Hansard (from the soundtrack “Once”). Please note that as I heard the first verse, I felt as though it referred to our true inner-selves. All the rest of the verses, I felt, were perfectly referring to our egos and pain-bodies.
What I learned from this experience is that our ego’s and pain-bodies are sometimes going to put up a tough fight and try to control us and stick around for a while. They love visiting “Sufferland” and most of the time they don’t ever want to leave there. Just like a three year old who doesn’t want to leave a fun filled day at dear grandma’s house.
Now, as a coach, I have been able to fend off many egoic thoughts and pain-body episodes with my self-coaching skills and “present moment” techniques. However, this was the first time in a long time that I was not able to leave “Sufferland” so easily. My ego and pain-body wanted to “stay and play for a while”, so to speak.
So, what I tried to do was go the “Acceptance” route. I thought, “OK, I realize that at this moment, a part of me (i.e. my ego/pain-body) wants to play in ‘Sufferland” and feel these feelings. So I accepted those feelings and further thought, “This too shall pass”. So there I was, sticking it out like a trooper. But what I didn’t know was that my ego and pain-body had a plot to try to take up permanent residence in “Sufferland”. Because what happened next was an interesting experience.
I noticed that while I accepted my temporary time in “Sufferland”, my ego brought out the big guns and supplied me with more negative thoughts. Then my ego tried to analyze each thought and test its validity. Some of them felt just as true as the original circumstance and resulting thought. So, I began to wonder if some of them were truer then the original thought that landed me here. Well, this fueled the “ride” and I realized that while in that state of mind, I could not determine which statement was truer. I started to feel overwhelmed and even a little despair. My body was all tense and I felt the most tension in my neck and shoulders. Once I noticed what was happening, and that my body was physically being affected, I knew I had to do something else. However, I also knew that when my ego and pain-body are in “control mode”, they are not open to other choices or peaceful changes. So my next thought was to work with them, and not against them. I thought I would write down all these thoughts my ego was presenting to me, however I wanted to analyze them at a later time. Just then, I felt a sense of “maybe”, and proceeded to grab a pad of paper and a pen. I wrote down each negative thought that had come to me and put a “re-visit date”. My ego was slightly hesitant, but I soon felt a sense of “Ok, that is fine”. Next I felt a slight sense of ease. I knew I had weakened my ego’s hold, and as a result also my pain-body’s hold (since the pain-body needs the ego to survive). Then, I just focused on my breath. Now, I still felt slightly “down and out”, but it was not nearly as strong as it was earlier that evening. I am happy to report that, in my case, the next morning I felt joyful and peaceful once again.
In light of this experience, I want to let you all know that when you feel you are smack dab in the middle of “Sufferland”, first try to accept what is happening to you at that moment and remember that, “This too shall pass”. Sometimes that may be enough to shorten your stay and get you through the “EXIT” doors much faster. However, if (like me) you find that your ego or pain-body want to take up residence in “Sufferland”, then try my little technique of writing the thoughts down and deciding to analyze them at a later time (preferably when you are feeling better).
Lastly, I also wanted to share with you a song I listened too this morning that really struck me as the perfect song for moments like this. Moments when our egos (and/or pain-body’s) are trying to visit “Sufferland”. The song is called “Lies” and it is by Glen Hansard (from the soundtrack “Once”). Please note that as I heard the first verse, I felt as though it referred to our true inner-selves. All the rest of the verses, I felt, were perfectly referring to our egos and pain-bodies.
“LIES”
I think it's time, we give it up
I think it's time, we give it up
And figure out what's stopping us
From breathing easy, and talking straight
The way is clear if you're ready now
The volunteer is slowing down
And taking time to save himself
The little cracks they escalated
And before you know it was too late
For making circles and telling lies
You're moving too fast for me
And I can't keep up with you
Maybe if you slowed down for me
I could see you're only tellingLies, lies, lies
Breaking us down with yourLies, lies, lies
When will you learn
Instrumental
The little cracks they escalated
And before you know it was too late
For making circles and telling lies
You're moving too fast for me
And I can't keep up with you
Maybe if you'd slowed down for me
I could see you're only tellingLies, lies, lies
Breaking us down with yourLies, lies, lies
When will you learn
So plant the thought and watch it grow
Wind it up and let it go
2 comments:
Shannon, great article! I love the idea of a "re-visit date". I think that capturing our thoughts is critical, but investigating them can sometimes feel overwhelming. It's nice to think about taking things in phases.
Wendy
Very interesting article. It's a weird feeling to be aware exactly what's going on in your mind and body and yet find it difficult to lighten your mood and palm off negative thoughts like water off a ducks back, which you know is the right thing to do. Its like being relegated to the backseat while something else has taken the wheel for a while and doesn't want to give it up until its had a good joyride. Thank you for sharing this little gem and the humour with with you did it. The mind games that the ego plays can be quite funny in hindsight. I'm certain that with your knowledge and experience you can help alot of people that come to you - myself included!
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