Recently, I have had a couple people mention something they are struggling with, and so I thought I would share their struggle, and my coaching tip, with all of you.
This struggle that two acquaintances shared with me had to do with being authentic toward themselves and others. They simple said that they often say “yes” to other people, when they really want to say “no”. But they fear that saying “no” will lead to hurt feelings and even long-term rejection. I bet most of you can relate to their struggle. How many times have you thought, “oh man, I really don’t want to go but I said yes”? Too many times? Well, I have a couple points to bring to your attention that may help you to try to stay true to your deep desire, and live a more peaceful life.
The first point has to do with self-regret. When you say “yes” to something that you really want to say “no” too, then you put yourself in a position where you may have much self-regret. Self-regret is more difficult to overcome emotionally then regret for another person. If that someone who you are saying “no” to is a true friend, or close relative, then they will accept your answer….*
The second point I want to make you aware of is about the power you are giving up. If you say “yes” to someone and “no” to yourself, then you are giving someone else total power over your decisions and outcome. This leaves you in a position where you could lose out two-fold. For one, if you end up not having a good time, then a part of you may be upset with the person who asked you to participate. Second, another part of you may be upset at yourself for having caved in and agreed to something you originally didn’t want to do. An internal “I told you so” scenario, which is very uncomfortable and down-right frustrating. However, if you do what is true to you (e.g. say “no” when you want to), then you can only lose one-fold (wait…is that even a word?...oh well you know what I mean)….*
This struggle that two acquaintances shared with me had to do with being authentic toward themselves and others. They simple said that they often say “yes” to other people, when they really want to say “no”. But they fear that saying “no” will lead to hurt feelings and even long-term rejection. I bet most of you can relate to their struggle. How many times have you thought, “oh man, I really don’t want to go but I said yes”? Too many times? Well, I have a couple points to bring to your attention that may help you to try to stay true to your deep desire, and live a more peaceful life.
The first point has to do with self-regret. When you say “yes” to something that you really want to say “no” too, then you put yourself in a position where you may have much self-regret. Self-regret is more difficult to overcome emotionally then regret for another person. If that someone who you are saying “no” to is a true friend, or close relative, then they will accept your answer….*
The second point I want to make you aware of is about the power you are giving up. If you say “yes” to someone and “no” to yourself, then you are giving someone else total power over your decisions and outcome. This leaves you in a position where you could lose out two-fold. For one, if you end up not having a good time, then a part of you may be upset with the person who asked you to participate. Second, another part of you may be upset at yourself for having caved in and agreed to something you originally didn’t want to do. An internal “I told you so” scenario, which is very uncomfortable and down-right frustrating. However, if you do what is true to you (e.g. say “no” when you want to), then you can only lose one-fold (wait…is that even a word?...oh well you know what I mean)….*
So, the next time you are faced with a question or decision that has you saying “yes”, when you really want to say “no”, please recall these two points and consider being true to you. Your life will become more fulfilling and peaceful.
* Please note, these are highlights from an entire article in Higher-Self Living Paychecks. For more information, please visit our website at www.higherselflifecoaching.com.
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