We Often Put Ourselves in Other People’s Shoes, But Beware of Placing Others in Your’s.*

A very popular phrase, and mental practice we bestow upon ourselves, is “Put yourself in their shoes”. When we put ourselves in other people’s shoes, it often leads to compassion and kindness. For example, when we hear of someone we know who has a death in their family, we often think about losing one ourselves and then feel that pain and sadness temporarily. That emotional experience then often leads to a kind gesture or action. In the form of a phone call, or in the case of a death, a sympathy card, or visit to a funeral home. In some cases, a person may also find that they would handle a situation differently, and in that case you learn about yourself.

However, beware of occasions where you might imagine having someone in your shoe’s, if you feel someone’s actions are disappointing you. If you are struggling with something, and feel the urge to wonder how someone else would handle a situation you are struggling with, try not to. When in this frame of mind, chances are you are judging someone else. In most cases, when we go there and think to ourselves that someone else would handle something the same as we were, then that can lead to disappointment and further judging. For example, “I lost loved one and Ann hasn’t contacted me or said sorry to hear. What if she lost a loved one and I didn’t contact her?” Try to catch yourself doing this and then try one of two things. Either let it go, or think of another more positive reason someone has not contacted you…*

Some may believe that asking someone to put the shoe on their foot, may lead to compassion or understanding. However, this too is very risky. In some occasional situations, the other person may see your point and agree with you. However, in many cases, a person may get defensive and try to deny or defend how they are handling it. This is partly because in a way, we are asking them to experience our pain or to face something they did wrong. Many people aren’t very welcoming of when someone tries to get them to experience difficult situations. Their defense mechanisms most likely kick in and they instantly try to avoid the negative experience being presented to them.

Placing yourself in someone else’s shoes can lead to compassion, but be cautious of wanting someone else to be placed in your’s.

* - Please note, these are highlights from an entire article in Higher-Self Living Paychecks. For more information, please visit our website at www.higherselflifecoaching.com.