Knowing What You Don’t Want is a Great Start….BUT, Finish it off with a Goal in Mind.*

There are tons of people out there that are pretty confident about what they don’t want. Whether that be something simple (e.g. not wanting to eat out tonight), or something pretty grand (e.g. not wanting to get married).

Every day most of us are faced with tasks, jobs, or situations that present examples
of what we don’t want. For example, one day a friend of mine said, “I don’t want to drive to my relatives this weekend”, and “I don’t want to have zero dollars in my savings account”. Now I for one can relate to these two examples as I have used
them from time to time.

However, what we often forget to do is a very crucial next step; defining what we do want. Defining what we do want can help us to navigate through life, incorporate changes, and most importantly, reach goals and aspirations. Yet, as my dear friend repeated to me one day, “I don’t want to have zero dollars in my account”, I then asked a question that stopped her in her tracks. I asked her, “So how much money do you want in your account?” To my friend’s surprise, she was not sure. She said, “oh, I don’t know, I guess I just know I don’t want zero”. Well, this is all fine and dandy at first. But, if we don’t take the time to really figure out and define what we do want, then we can end up aimlessly wandering through life. I had asked my friend when she first felt this way, and guess what, she said “oh gosh, about 5 years or so”. My dear friend then thought for a moment and said, “I can’t believe it has been that long?”….*

…..*

Often it is easy in this very fast paced world we live in, to forget to define and set goals of what we do want, and just keep on living in “what I don’t want” mode. So the next time you find yourself saying “I really don’t want that”, then figure out what you do want instead and start achieving that great goal.

ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND!!

* Please note, these are highlights from an entire article in Higher-Self Living Paychecks. For more information, please visit our website at www.higherselflifecoaching.com.

Are You Feeling “Blue” About Your “Green” (Financial) Situation?

Many people are feeling the struggling economy. Gas prices have nearly skyrocketed in the past year, the housing market has slumped with nearly record high foreclosure rates, the unemployment rate has increased, and the value of the US dollar has decreased. Shoot, it’s enough to make anyone run for financial cover; that is in the form of decreased spending and transferred money into more stable accounts (e.g. bonds and guaranteed funds).

Often during such financial “woes”, many people suffer emotionally. Specifically, self-esteem and a person’s self-worth are affected by their financial situation. I knew a woman named Patty who was very positive and vibrant. Then she found out that the value of her house declined, and she had a high credit card balance. Patty began to feel anxious about her financial situation and felt very worried and stressed out. As days passed by, Patty had often shared how she could not seem to put anything into her savings account, no matter how hard she tried.

One day I asked her about her financial situation and how that was making her feel. She replied, “very helpless” and “drained”. As a result of her new found negative emotions, Patty also realized that other negative thoughts started to re-surface and bother her. As if a downward spiral had overcome her, sucking the positive life right out of her.

Then I asked Patty if she had a budget. She had said that she sort-of had one in her head, but nothing in “writing” so to speak.....*

Patty did create a budget on her computer with a spreadsheet program she had (i.e. Microsoft Excel), and was surprised at what she saw.....*

Patty also noticed something very profound. By having a budget, she noticed that she was feeling much better emotionally. Patty was experiencing a sense of control over her money and spending. As a result, she was able to come up with solutions and changes to her spending habits. Finally, with a sense of control, Patty was feeling higher self-esteem and increased self-worth.

There are exercises, (e.g. Budget Your Way Out of Financial Anxiety* and Accepting the Situation*) that can help someone dissolve financial “woes”.....*

Peace and wellness to all!

* Please note, these are highlights from an entire article in Higher-Self Living Paychecks. For more information, please visit our website at www.higherselflifecoaching.com.

Four Easy Steps to Avoid Low Self-Esteem Caused by Frequent Procrastination

Well happy Friday everyone! As many of you know, I am a member of the National Association for Self-Esteem and they send out a handy dandy newsletter that contains some really nifty articles.
This week I found one article in particular that I thought was just a gem, and better yet, it can help build one’s confidence and self-esteem. So I wanted to pass it along and share it with all of you.

Enjoy!!!

Source: National Association of Self-Esteem Newsletter #8-1

Stop Putting IT Off!

It is time to get a round to it.

By Bob Younglove

You know what IT is. IT is the things you could do and should do to be healthier, happier, and more successful. You keep saying you are going to do IT. You even know that when you do IT, you will be happier and proud of yourself. Turning your good intentions into positive results, build you confidence and self-esteem.

So, for your sake, don’t put IT off another day. You deserve the best. Go for IT! Following the simple steps in this article will significantly improve your quality of life.

STOP! Don’t put this article on the pile of “To read some day”,
because you’ll never a round to it.

“Today is the first day of the rest of your life.” Do IT now! Decide to start doing the things you already know will lead to enhanced career success, improved health, and greater personal happiness.

STEP 1

Make a list of the actions that you know and believe will bring you success. To start you thinking, complete the following sentences:
I will be healthier when I _______________________________
My career will be more rewarding when I __________________
I will be proud and happy with me when I __________________

STEP 2

Motive yourself by falling in love with the vision of your success. Daydream about what it will feel like to have accomplished your goals. Start every morning by focusing on the picture of you in the future, and the way you are behaving as a “dot it now person”!

STEP 3
Make a list of itty-bitty tasks that you can do in 15 or 20 minutes, which will move you toward your vision. Make a commitment to yourself, and tell a friend about at least one thing you will do today to move you closer to achieving your goals. Don’t put your head on the pillow at night until you have taken some positive action for success.

STEP 4
Build momentum by frequently telling yourself that you have the intelligence, the willpower and the self-confidence to use your time, your talent and your energy each and everyday to be successful.

Stop procrastinating on doing the things that you know will bring you great joy, personal pride, and success. Stop letting life happen to you, and start making life happen for you.

Bob Younglove is a Performance Coach, Speaker and the author of SPONSOR SUCCESS: A Workbook for Turning Good Intentions Into Positive Results, American Literary Press, 2002

Peace and Pleasure Can Be Just a "Sniff" Away

I had learned something a couple years ago from a well known medical professional that I found to be pretty interesting. Doctor Mehmet Oz had mentioned in his book, YOU: The Owner's Manual: An Insider's Guide to the Body that Will Make You Healthier and Younger, that our sense of smell is the only sense we have that goes straight to the “pleasure portion” of our brain (i.e. amygdala).

All the other senses that most of us possess include: touch, taste, sight, and hearing. Apparently these other senses have to go through another process or two before we understand and interpret what they are revealing to us. However, our sense of smell gets a sort of “skip ahead pass” and goes straight to the area of the brain that effects arousal, emotion, and pleasure.

Once I became aware of this nice little characteristic about my sense of smell, I decided to use it to my advantage. I had set out to find a couple scents that would lead me right to a peaceful and pleasurable state of mind. Almost like an instant little mini vacation for my mind. So I trekked down to a local aromatherapy store and checked out all their essential oils. Many of these stores sell oils for massage therapists and aromatherapy practitioners.

There were several oils (i.e. scents) to choose from, and I had a couple in mind that I knew were linked to certain reactions and emotions. For example, Lavender is well known for aiding anxiety, irritability, and insomnia. Peppermint was known for aiding with fatigue, headache, and nausea. There are several other oils available, however these two were the ones that put smiles on my face as I sniffed their magical aromas.

***Now, please note that I knew of the safety precautions to be taken when dealing with essential oils. Please visit the link to this site, http://www.aromaweb.com/articles/safety.asp, for a list of safety precautions before purchasing any essential oils.

My intention was to just smell the scent of each oil I desired, as opposed to rubbing the oil onto my skin. Specifically what I had set out to do was simply place a drop or two of oil onto a small pillow-shaped cloth that I was going to tote around with me in my adorable purse. So I bought a tiny jar of peppermint and lavender, and headed home to test my new experiment out. My experiment was simply to sniff my wonderfully scented pillow-shaped cloth whenever I felt stress, anxiety, headache pain, or fatigue. My hope was that I would immediately experience a moment or two of peace and pleasure.

Well, guess what…..it worked! At least for me and many others I have mentioned this little trick too. So, you may want to consider finding one or two of your favorite “scents” and tote them around on something that you can refer too in times of strife or stress. Just one or two little sniffs can send you for a moment into “Pleasantville”.

P.S. Scents can be obtained in several forms such as colognes, body sprays, soaps, and candles. If you consider purchasing a scent through the use of essential oils, please check out the safety link above and consult with an aromatherapy practitioner.

Peace and pleasure to all!

Sail Into Summer by Steering Clear of the Three W’s….That Can Cause Mental Storms.*

Where does the time go? Summer time 2008 is almost here and many are planting colorful flowers, buying suntan lotion, revving up the barbecues and dodging bumble bees.

Summer time can also mean hot steamy temperatures and occasional thunderstorms. However, dear mother nature isn’t the only one that produces storms. Sometimes, we humans have what I refer to as “mental storms”. By mental storms, I mean negative and stressful thought patterns that can take over our minds and continue to grow in strength as they move about in our heads. Many of these mental storm systems are brought on by, what I call, the three W’s…..worry, waiting, and wondering.

Worry can be an effective incoming “front”, causing mental storms. Many people worry about something from the past, or anticipate something in the future. ….*

Waiting is also damaging and keeps your life “on hold”. Many people seem to be waiting their whole lives in anticipation of future events. ….*

The last “W” is wonder. Now some of you may being thinking “I thought wonder was a good emotion to have” and it can be. For instance, if you are wondering about something positive, then that can be a fine type of wonder. However, many people wonder about negative things. For example, wondering about what would happen if you lost your job, or a loved one fell ill. ….*

Often these three W’s can work together and feed off each other, causing a sort of mental typhoon in your head. However, there are steps you can take (e.g. Using Your Doppler Radar and Clear Skies Collage) to avoid stirring up these mental storms and just sail through this summer like a fresh breeze. ….*

So the next time you find yourself worrying, waiting, or wondering…try to relax those thoughts so that they don’t turn into thunderous mental storms.

* Please note, these are highlights from an entire article in Higher-Self Living Paychecks. For more information, please visit our website at www.higherselflifecoaching.com.

Ten Seconds that can change your life, and even save it.

I read an article today that left me feeling sad, yet determined. It was an article about how a recent road rage encounter ended in death for one passenger (a grandmother) and wounded a little girl.

I can imagine how their traveling journey started. There were five passengers in an SUV, heading to some adventurous destination. However, their plans went sour when they pulled out in front of another car, whose occupants were not so happy. A minor collusion had occurred and it was reported that both drivers had a verbal altercation.

Unfortunately, when the altercation was over, the driver of the smaller car was not finished with the encounter. The car then followed the SUV and the passenger ended up pulling out a gun and shooting at the SUV, which was clearly filled with passengers. One passenger was fatally wounded, and another little girl was shot in the arm, but will recover. Well, physically anyway.

I wanted to share this story with you because I do believe that we all can individually work together to prevent such horrible encounters and circumstances.

I realize that many people are in “hurry” mode when they get into a car. However, I am going to give you a couple of very effective exercises that can help you to relax just a little bit before you pull away and begin to drive to your destination. More importantly, these exercises may even help save your life. Not only can being in a more relaxed state help us to feel and drive more calmly, but it can also help us to respond more calmly toward others who tend to drive more aggressively around us.

While I realize that it may feel difficult to control our instant reactions towards others, we are still very responsible for our reactions. There are ways to be aware and control how we react to others who may upset us or offend us. Try to remember that you have no idea who the other driver is and how they handle stress, more or less what they may have with them in their car (or pockets). Even though there may be times that you want to look over at another driver with anger, or even yell at them with rage, just try to look away or avoid any contact with them. If you don’t, the results could be fatal.

I believe that each person, deep down, has the desire to arrive at their destination calmly and safely. In most cases, this can be achieved if we all are aware of our current state of mind, and if we try these effective exercises. They can help you when you are driving, as well as help you fend off any signs of “road rage” that may find their way into your journey. They can also help you in any situation that brings you stress, frustration, or even anger.

Exercise #1: Choose Peace in 10 Seconds
1) As soon as you get into your car, and just before you turn the ignition on, sit for just a moment.
2) Take one deep breath.
3) Then tell yourself (either out loud or in your mind), “I will choose peace today”.
4) Take one more deep breath.
5) Start your car (or whatever it is you are doing) and do it with “peace” in mind.

Exercise #2: Fun & Joyful Symbol
1) Get a small item, or picture, of something that brings a smile to your face (e.g. puppy, kitten, child, Disney character, etc.).
2) Put it up in your car where you can see it while you drive (e.g. hung from rear view mirror).
3) Every time that you make a stop, look at your item or picture. Make a point to focus as much as possible on that item.
4) If you feel yourself getting stressed at another driver, remember your item (or picture) and look over at it the next time you make a stop.

A Couple of Exercise Gems to Help You Align your Body with your Mind

Recently I experienced some unwelcome tension in my neck and shoulders. Even some super duper over-the-counter miracle tablets did not seem to phase this record breaking tension I was experiencing. I was working at a desk and on the computer, and I had plans that night I looked forward too and did not want to reschedule.

I was faced with figuring out a way to help relieve the tension that had taken hold of my delicate body. Normally I am challenged with mental thoughts that sometimes invade my mind. However, this day I was doing beautifully mentally. It was my body that was out of sync, and not cooperating with the whole mind-body-spirit experience.

So I went online and found a couple very effective exercises that I wanted to share with all of you. The site was titled Fitness is Fun and the address was, http://www.backhealth.net/backhealth/fitness/workexercise.htm.

If you work at a desk or computer often, or if you are just feeling tension in your neck and shoulders, please try these simple yet extremely effective exercises and enjoy the results. For me, the tension had weakened and I felt more energy.

ENJOY!!!!

Relieve Upper Back and Shoulder Tension (Standing or Sitting)

· Lift your hands to your shoulders
· Keep your elbows down and push your shoulders back
· Hold for 15 seconds

Do this five times

Relieve Back, Neck and Shoulder Tension (Standing or Sitting)
· Inhale and raise your shoulders to touch your ears
· While raised, push your shoulders back and exhale
· Relax shoulders

Do this five times.

Relieve Neck and Shoulder Tension (Standing or Sitting)
· Inhale and slowly turn your head to the right until you feel your neck muscles pull. Hold for five

seconds.
. Exhale and return your head to face straight ahead.
· Inhale and slowly turn your head to the left until you feel your neck muscles pull. Hold for five

seconds.
· Exhale and return you head to face straight ahead.

Do this five times

Visiting “Sufferland”….the Park Your Ego and Pain-Body Love to Stay and Play at.

I had a situation happen to me yesterday that left me with thoughts and feelings of frustration and even, oh my gosh, slight despair. Now, you don’t have to rush over to your window to see if the sky is falling….because yes, even life coaches have their moments. So, I tried to use my successful handy dandy self-coaching skills, as well as my consciousness skills (i.e. being present in the moment). However, to my dismay, nothing seemed to be shaking the dreadful feeling I was experiencing. I soon realized that I had entered that ghastly land I refer to as, “Sufferland”. A place where our egos enjoy the merry-go-rounds (i.e. repetitive negative thoughts), and where the pain-body likes to ride the roller-coaster’s (i.e. up’s, down’s, twists, and turns). Now, let me explain a little about what I refer to as “ego” and “pain-body”. I was first introduced to these terms by Eckhart Tolle, a renowned spiritual teacher. Eckhart defines the ego as our “illusionary sense of identity”, which includes our mental thoughts. The pain-body is defined by Eckart as an “accumulation of old emotional pain”.

What I learned from this experience is that our ego’s and pain-bodies are sometimes going to put up a tough fight and try to control us and stick around for a while. They love visiting “Sufferland” and most of the time they don’t ever want to leave there. Just like a three year old who doesn’t want to leave a fun filled day at dear grandma’s house.

Now, as a coach, I have been able to fend off many egoic thoughts and pain-body episodes with my self-coaching skills and “present moment” techniques. However, this was the first time in a long time that I was not able to leave “Sufferland” so easily. My ego and pain-body wanted to “stay and play for a while”, so to speak.

So, what I tried to do was go the “Acceptance” route. I thought, “OK, I realize that at this moment, a part of me (i.e. my ego/pain-body) wants to play in ‘Sufferland” and feel these feelings. So I accepted those feelings and further thought, “This too shall pass”. So there I was, sticking it out like a trooper. But what I didn’t know was that my ego and pain-body had a plot to try to take up permanent residence in “Sufferland”. Because what happened next was an interesting experience.

I noticed that while I accepted my temporary time in “Sufferland”, my ego brought out the big guns and supplied me with more negative thoughts. Then my ego tried to analyze each thought and test its validity. Some of them felt just as true as the original circumstance and resulting thought. So, I began to wonder if some of them were truer then the original thought that landed me here. Well, this fueled the “ride” and I realized that while in that state of mind, I could not determine which statement was truer. I started to feel overwhelmed and even a little despair. My body was all tense and I felt the most tension in my neck and shoulders. Once I noticed what was happening, and that my body was physically being affected, I knew I had to do something else. However, I also knew that when my ego and pain-body are in “control mode”, they are not open to other choices or peaceful changes. So my next thought was to work with them, and not against them. I thought I would write down all these thoughts my ego was presenting to me, however I wanted to analyze them at a later time. Just then, I felt a sense of “maybe”, and proceeded to grab a pad of paper and a pen. I wrote down each negative thought that had come to me and put a “re-visit date”. My ego was slightly hesitant, but I soon felt a sense of “Ok, that is fine”. Next I felt a slight sense of ease. I knew I had weakened my ego’s hold, and as a result also my pain-body’s hold (since the pain-body needs the ego to survive). Then, I just focused on my breath. Now, I still felt slightly “down and out”, but it was not nearly as strong as it was earlier that evening. I am happy to report that, in my case, the next morning I felt joyful and peaceful once again.

In light of this experience, I want to let you all know that when you feel you are smack dab in the middle of “Sufferland”, first try to accept what is happening to you at that moment and remember that, “This too shall pass”. Sometimes that may be enough to shorten your stay and get you through the “EXIT” doors much faster. However, if (like me) you find that your ego or pain-body want to take up residence in “Sufferland”, then try my little technique of writing the thoughts down and deciding to analyze them at a later time (preferably when you are feeling better).

Lastly, I also wanted to share with you a song I listened too this morning that really struck me as the perfect song for moments like this. Moments when our egos (and/or pain-body’s) are trying to visit “Sufferland”. The song is called “Lies” and it is by Glen Hansard (from the soundtrack “Once”). Please note that as I heard the first verse, I felt as though it referred to our true inner-selves. All the rest of the verses, I felt, were perfectly referring to our egos and pain-bodies.

“LIES”
I think it's time, we give it up

And figure out what's stopping us

From breathing easy, and talking straight

The way is clear if you're ready now

The volunteer is slowing down

And taking time to save himself

The little cracks they escalated

And before you know it was too late

For making circles and telling lies

You're moving too fast for me

And I can't keep up with you

Maybe if you slowed down for me

I could see you're only tellingLies, lies, lies

Breaking us down with yourLies, lies, lies

When will you learn

Instrumental

The little cracks they escalated

And before you know it was too late

For making circles and telling lies

You're moving too fast for me

And I can't keep up with you

Maybe if you'd slowed down for me

I could see you're only tellingLies, lies, lies

Breaking us down with yourLies, lies, lies

When will you learn

So plant the thought and watch it grow

Wind it up and let it go